So, here I am, a Christian, launching a blog, about sex. What am I thinking?
I’ve been a Christian my entire life (meaning I grew up in a Christian family). Recently I have come to realize that we, as Christians, are not doing a good job of teaching about sex. In fact, we are doing a horrible job at teaching about sex within marriage. We spend so much time telling people “No sex until you’re married”. But we forget to tell them “after that, you’re good to go”. Often we teach “Sex is bad” and leave off the “unless your married, then it can be amazing”. We don’t teach anything about sex within marriage, only about sex before marriage.
In short, the message we tend to get is “sex is dirty, dangerous and sinful, so save it for someone you love”. How messed up is that?
Now, add this to the garbage we see in the media (TV, movies, books, etc.). Media teaches a lot of incorrect things about sex. But, because it’s sex positive, people listen.
I’ve spent the last few years studying marriage
Specifically Christian relationships, and sex. Why? Because we needed to put our marriage on the right track. Over the years, I’ve learned a few things that I’ve love to share. I want to help other’s get over some of the struggles we encountered in our marriage. I want to be a resource I wish I had earlier on.
These days, my marriage is solid, but it wasn’t always that way. When we got married, our friends, family, and church left us to figure out sex on our own. They left us to figure out marriage on our own really. We had no sex talks beyond the clinical classroom education. They gave us little relationship advice, and some of what we did get was not good. We had no idea some of the baggage we were bringing just growing up as normal people living in a fallen world. This caused a rift in our marriage for the first 8 years.
Our emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy suffered because our physical intimacy was near nonexistent
And visa-versa. I think we had sex less than 12 times a year for our first 8 years, unless we were trying to conceive. During one pregnancy, we went 9 months without any sexual contact at all. The sad thing was: we thought this was normal. Thanks to the media, and the lack of communication in our Christian upbringing, we assumed everyone else had the same issues.
It took us 8 years to finally turn our marriage around to where it is today. And we’re still learning and growing more. My hope is that this site will help those are struggling themselves. I hope it will become a safe place for Christians to come, learn, share, get support, and be supportive of other marriages. I hope that one day this blog will be the center of a community of sex-positive Christians. Christians who are willing to share what they’ve learned to help others.
Sex within marriage doesn’t exist in a bubble
Along the way we’ll be exploring physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy. We’ll be looking at how they affect your relationship as a whole as they are all linked together. Because you can’t base a relationship on sex. Let me rephrase that: you shouldn’t base a relationship on sex. As we work on sexual relationships in marriage, we’ll also be touching on all the other various relationships. Ultimately, your marriage can only grow as far as your lowest relationship. Your sexual relationship will be limited without an emotional relationship. Without a spiritual relationship, your sexual relationship will be hampered as well.
But, the main focus of this blog will be on sex within marriage. Not to say that sex is the most important, or put sex on some kind of pedestal or make an idol out of it. But rather, because there are so few resources for Christians on this particular topic.
Note: Years later, I renamed the blog to “Uncovering Intimacy”, because I realized that I couldn’t write about sex as something separate from the rest. Sex within marriage is still a large focus, but not the only thing you’ll find here.
So, what would you like to see written about the topic of sexuality within marriage? I know you’re probably reading this post years after it was written. But I’m still interested. Comment below, send me an email. Or, if you’re too embarrassed to ask, use our anonymous Have A Question page.
I look forward to interacting with you!
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