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Category Archives: Refusal and Gatekeeping


Are you sabotaging your sex life like I do?

I’ve spent the last few years trying to get better insight into the mind of a spouse who desires less sex.  Why?  Because I’m married to one, and one of my goals in life is to make her feel known and loved.  Unfortunately, the more

Trapped gatekeepers – blame the guard, not the prisoner

Trapped gatekeepers - blame the guard, not he prisoner

In some marriages, the spouse with the lower sex drive simply decides their perspective is the most important and ends up being the gatekeeper of sex.  That is, they decide when sex is, what sort of sex there is, and generally it’s given out fairly

You cannot make a refuser generous

I get a lot of husbands and wives asking me how to change their spouse.  How do you make them go from a refuser to a generous spouse?  After all, I managed it, so what’s the trick?  The truth is, I didn’t manage it.  There